Seeking to manifest a RV and 3rd Muppet for the Get Goofy Road Trip

After “playing” in LA for the past month or so, Brittany (aka, “The Royal B”) and I are ready to get back on the road, on the “Get Goofy Road Trip”—NOTE: No destination—it is all about the journey, no?! 

Therefore, we are seeking to manifest an eco-conscious, reliable RV which will be used as our mobile home/hair studio/Goofy Guru office and sanctuary which will allow US to come to YOU for a hair cut and color healing session (by the Royal B); a Kelly’s Osho Zen tarot reading; a Radical Goofy Guru Coaching Visit; or just for a FUN visit! Our intention is to spend this summer festival-hopping and participating in conscious gatherings, in between Radical Goofy Guru Coaching Visits, all over the Americas!

Instant Manifestation?!  

**We are also asking the Universe to send us a 3^rd Muppet for the “Get Goofy Road Trip”-- with a tireless sense of humor, lust for life, wide open mind and heart, some “superpowers” (which could be cooking, massage, Reiki, sound healing, music, arts, etc.), and mad film-making skills because we are going to document both Royal B hair, beauty and self-love sessions as well as Radical Goofy Guru Coaching for an upcoming web-series. 

Seeking a 3rd Muppet!

If you have any leads to a funky, eco-friendly, reliable RV, or YOU are interested in being part of our Goofy adventure—please message me, the Goofy Guru at kellyofthepattersons@yahoo.com  

And THANK YOU for being part of OUR story!

LIVE your bliss,

Goofy Guru (aka, Kelly N Patterson) 

Love Letter to my Future Yang

Today’s Goofy Guru homework was to write a LOVE LETTER.  For the record, I always do MY own homework!  Therefore, I decided to write a love letter to my future “Yang”.  However, you COULD write a love letter to yourself (especially if you have low self-esteem); a parent/your child/favorite relative; your spouse/partner (to remind them how much you love them!); your ex-partner (especially if you need to forgive him/her!); a tree or the ocean;  your favorite poet/writer/musician/painter/work of art; a stranger …or ALL of humanity/GOD/SOURCE/US.

In the 10 minutes or so, it takes you to compose this letter of LOVE, GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION, you will RAISE your own vibration, as well as the collective (global) vibration and this letter will ATTRACT more love--in all its forms--into your life!   *And who knows?!  Maybe MY future partner will read this and recognize himself!  ;) 

Welding Work by my friend, Max (Costa Rica)

Love Letter to my Future Partner           

Finally, we FOUND each other!  For me, because I can be stubborn—it took 4 continents, 2 loving husbands, several dozen lovers-du-jour, lots of time alone (learning/remembering about myself), and a lot of cocktails, laughter and tears…and just when I had given up/let go on finding MY equal DIVINE energy in the form of a MAN, YOU showed up!  Happy Birthday to US!

I love how WE SHARE the mission and passion of changing the world and having a DAMN good time while doing it!  YOU are a creative GENIUS!  I love how GENEROUS you are with your time, energy, LOVE, caresses, random gifts, words of affirmation, gifts of service, massages and empowering words, not only to me, but to EVERYONE you encounter.  You FART love—just like me ;)

I love how WE are still expanding every day, both together as well as individually-- and fully lovingly support each on our own individual paths and our paths are in harmony.  I love your sense of humor and how you teach me through humor and play.  I LOVE your ability to be goofy and that you totally GET the importance of PLAY, JOY and LAUGHTER (I do not have to teach you!)  I LOVE how YOU teach me all the time, and in loving, fun, silly ways.  I LOVE how you always say YES! to my shenanigan ideas, as well as contribute a few BRILLIANT goofy ideas of your own—you are a GRAND co-conspirator! I LOVE how you say YES to everything—new ideas, new experiences, new adventures, new people, new dimensions…to LIFE!

I LOVE how you make me coffee every morning and massage my feet (even when I do not ask! *because you KNOW I will never object!)  I LOVE how you pick me up little “souvenirs” that remind you of me, when you are away and YOU have NO FEAR of showing me how much you love me DAILY.  I LOVE that we can just do “NOTHING” sometimes…dancing around the house, bubble baths, reading together, painting, whatever etc.  Everything is more fun and meaningful when shared with you.

I LOVE your honesty with yourself, me and the world.  I LOVE how you empower others, as much as yourself and I.  I LOVE how you dance and *technically, you are always singing and dancing!   I Love how you KNOW when to take the driver’s seat and when to let me drive—we share the wheel.  I LOVE how clearly we communicate on all levels.  I LOVE how patient you are, because it teaches me patience.  I Love how we, as a couple, raise the global frequency by every act of love we do together, for each other, for ourselves, and for others.  We are a POWERHOUSE of love individually and when combined our ENERGY/frequency is exponential.  I LOVE how WE are showing the world what Eros/romantic love can look like!

I LOVE how you are able to SEE my beauty/light/LOVE even when I have diarrhea and feel AND look like, no pun intended, shit.  I LOVE that there is TRUST, unpredictable sex, and TRUE intimacy.   I LOVE how you will grab and kiss me ANYWHERE—on the red carpet, on a bridge during traffic, at a party, and especially in front of family and friends-- whenever!   I LOVE that you are in love with yourself.  I LOVE THIS STORY; I am so glad we wrote it—well-written!

*Wrote my love letter this morning and then saw THESE signs all day, all over LA! Let's just see what happens! ;)

LIVE your BLISS,

Goofy Guru (aka, Kelly N Patterson)

 

Which is YOUR Erotic Archetype?

Recently, Brittany and I attended a 2-hour workshop, “The Different Faces of Eros”, facilitated by psychotherapist and Relationship Coach, Meriana Dinkova, at Gaia Sangha, with 15 other curious participants, seeking to explore the different Erotic Archetypes, and the ways these (sometimes subconscious) strategies can strengthen and/or limit our ability to connect and ultimately, seduce others.  This workshop was part lecture, part “sharing” and part PLAY, with the opportunity to “try out” a few new Erotic Archetypes on fellow participants—FUN!

Different Faces of Eros--Erotic Archetypes Workshop in LA 

The first concept I recognized about myself is that I tend to “choose” the men I want to “court”, as opposed to allowing men to “choose” me.  *Control issues, much?!

Meriana explained that people tend to fall into two categories:  Those who “pick” their mates, and then those who “wait” to be “picked.”  Neither method is better than the other, both have a shadow-side:  Those who prefer to select their potential mate/initiate a connection, may overlook or miss opportunities to connect with others better suited for them; and those who prefer to “wait” to be “selected” may end up with a “Plan B”, aka—“second choice” and therefore, may not be fully satisfied in their relationships.   Ideally, one is open to seducing others and receptive when others’ initiate a connection.

Most of the Erotic Archetypes Meriana introduced to us in this workshop apply to both genders, but a few are gender specific.  I have briefly outlined the Erotic Archetypes Meriana covered in this workshop below, but for more in-depth insight, well, you will have to attend one of her workshops (or do your own homework!)

1.     The Nice Guy:  Surely, everyone knows “The Nice Guy.”  I define the Nice Guy as the dude who asks to kiss you.  Personally, when a man asks to kiss me, well—not sexy.  However, I did MARRY a Nice Guy, so the Nice Guy has great long-term relationship/marriage potential.

2.    The Romantic:  The Romantic is the male or female going for the DEEP connection-- seeking “The One”, using terms like “soul mate”, “twin flame” and tends to seduce by talking about the future TOGETHER.  However, while in pursuit for the perfect partner, The Romantic may miss opportunities to develop deep relationships with others.

3.    The Player:  The Player can be Cassanova-esque (all about sensual/sexual conquests) or Don Juan-esque (seeking authentic intimacy but with multiple partners.)   To quote a friend of mine,  “I fall in love every day.”  And I KNOW he means it!  NOTE:  Don’t hate on the Players because they can make excellent sexual/”play” partners—especially, if you are open to poly-amorous relationships.

4.    The Helper/Provider:  These are the problem-solvers, healers, heroes,  “bread winners”, the Do-ers’s, people with “Savior Syndrome”, etc. who make our lives easier.  If boundaries are not clear and honored, relationships with Helpers/Providers can easily slip into co-dependency.  Helpers/Providers tend to be attracted to the Broken Angel.

5.     The Dom/Rake:  The Dom or Rake (male or female) will grab your ass without even knowing your name.  These are the boldest seducers with little to no respect for others’ personal boundaries—however, the best people to have sex with in an alley or an elevator.  (*For scientific purposes, everyone should try a Dom/Rake, just for the FUN and adventure of it!)

6.    The Spiritual Person: The spiritual person will convince you that you shared a past life together; or that astrologically, you are highly compatible; or, explain how synchronicity/cosmic connections brought you together.   They will try to convince you that your meeting is fate/destiny.  NOTE: They might be RIGHT!

7.    The Broken Angel:  This is the beautifully flawed individual, who seduces you with his or her tragic past.  The Broken Angel’s wounds speak to you, especially if you have experienced some sort of trauma in your life, or if you are a Helper/Provider, you will want to “save” them.

8.    The Innocent:  The Innocent has very little life experience, so everything YOU do or have done is AMAZING, exciting, brilliant to them, and they want you to “show” them the world!  However, this relationship can easily turn into a teacher-student relationship and not an “equal” partnership.

9.    The Corrupter:  The Corrupter is especially attracted to the Innocent, because the Corrupter wants to be your “guide” and show you the world, both light and dark. 

10. The Amazon:  These are the “strong” women—you know them when you meet them.  They can do EVERYTHING themselves and often (subconsciously) project to others that they do not want or need others for anything.  They can come off as intimidating because men (or women, depending on your preference) do not feel they have anything valuable to contribute to the Amazon.  *This archetype spoke to me, and the advice I was given by Meriana (and the men at the workshop) was to allow myself to be vulnerable and show my feminine side more often (so let’s just see what happens!)

11. The Goddess:  The Goddess is all about entitlement:  “I am a Goddess/Queen, so worship me!”  This can lead to a very one-sided relationship, if The Goddess does not return the worship.

12. The Nurturer:  The Nurturer is the sexy Mother.  She takes care of you, feeds you, and will most likely have your kids. 

So, which Erotic Archetypes speak to you?   Do you see a pattern in your seduction techniques, or the “type” of partners you attract? 

Goofy Guru Homework: For experiment’s sake, next time you have the opportunity, try out a few new archetypes, specifically ones that are out of your comfort zone and see what happens!   

LIVE your bliss,

Goofy Guru (aka, Kelly N Patterson)

16 Useful things to do while “stuck” in Traffic

First of all, let’s stop saying, “stuck in traffic,” because what you resist, persists and the truth is traffic is a HUGE opportunity for self-growth and self-love, on many levels: mind, body and spirit.  Therefore, I created a list (please feel free to add!) of mental, physical and spiritual activities, exercises and playful shenanigans you can do while you are in your vehicle, in traffic.  *NOTE: Some of these exercises, like masturbation, may not be suitable if you are carpooling (well, of course, I guess it depends on with whom you carpool!)

1.     Meditate!  Yes, perhaps you should not aim to reach FULL theta state while operating a vehicle, but you could be doing a chakra cleansing, a sound healing, or some calming, energizing or healing chanting while in traffic.  Meditating is exponentially more powerful if you are carpooling and can inspire others to join you!  *If you are chanting, the Goofy Guru highly suggests rolling down the windows and SHARING with other commuters (and no, not everyone is going to appreciate your sharing “Mer-Ka-Ba” but who knows?  If you make one person smile, you did your job and it FEELS good, right?!)

Goofy Guru meditating in the back of a convertible

2.     Learn a new language.   Seriously, without even trying, by just putting on instructional language CDs regularly during your daily commute, you could learn a whole new language in a few months—for FREE! 

3.     Learn something/ANYTHING new!  You can turn your vehicle into your own personal classroom—for FREE!  You can download entire playlists of TED Talks (“ideas worth sharing”); listen to an informative or instructional audio book; teach yourself how to play the harmonica; or even take a FREE online course from top universities!  

4.     Listen to a book.  “Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn't carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.” – Stephen King

5.    Do your daily positive affirmations.  Traffic is the perfect setting for doing positive affirmations about abundance, good health, creativity, self-love, or whatever you are seeking to manifest or heal in your life.  *If you search on the internet you can find dozens of FREE downloadable positive affirmations of every flavor; you can also find affirmations on popular “music” stations such as Spotify and Pandora!
 

6.     Do EFT/Tapping.  Just in case you are not familiar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) --do your own homework!! but— EFT is a form of psychological acupressure, based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture.  But instead of needles, simple tapping with the fingertips is used to input kinetic energy onto specific meridians on throughout the head and chest.

This combination of tapping the energy meridians while voicing positive affirmations at the same time works to clear any emotional blocks from your body, thus restoring your mind and body balance, which, as you know is essential for optimal health and healing of physical disease.  If you do your homework, you will find that EFT can be used to address ANY issues/concerns/challenges-- from physical ailments to grieving to money problems to attracting more wealth to “letting go” to dealing with rejection, relationships, etc.  *I am a fan of Brad Yates.

7.     Connect with your loved ones.  You can call your mother, grandmother, the best friend from college you only talk to once every 6 months, etc.; traffic is an ideal time to re-connect or catch up with your cherished ones by phone (which is much more “personal” than texting.)

8.    Masturbate!  Yes, and I should not have to explain to you HOW or WHY this is an awesome way to spend your time in traffic!  *See, now you are trying to imagine it…doesn’t THAT make you smile?

9.    Look for messages/guidance.  Whether or not you believe it yet, the Universe is ALWAYS communicating with you—literally, from bill boards to license plates to road signs to animals.  For example, ever keep hearing the same song (or commercial) over and over every time you turn on the radio?  Well, THAT is the Universe trying to communicate with you!  So listen carefully to the lyrics or the commercial and try to HEAR the message for you.   Pay attention to billboards, road signs, shop signs, writing on passing vehicles, etc. that POP OUT at you—this is Source communicating to YOU.  *If you really want to have some fun, ask questions and then look for the answers!

10. Make FUN signs for other commuters.  Brittany and I keep a dozen signs in the car at all times; signs that read: “Smile!” “You are awesome!” “You are CUTE!” and several Dr. Seuss quotes.   We also have a “Thank you!” sign we use when people are being conscious, considerate drivers.  *The best part is that you do not have to limit sign-usage to traffic; we take a few signs with us everywhere…even at museums, when running errands and on the beach!

11.  Create art!  The new “fancy” phones have built-in recording apps (in the old days we used Dictaphones!), so you can record your next poem, song, short story, play, film, letters to colleagues, Nobel Speech, whatever.  At least keep notes on your BRILLIANT ideas that are going to change the world and bring you a lot of abundance!

12.  Massage and stretch.  In my experience, massage is much more enjoyable if you can get your carpool to participate, but you can always massage yourself (with or without massage tools) and do sitting stretches while in traffic. 

13.  Radiate Love Meditation.  Why not use this valuable time to project LOVE energy to all people, places and things?!  Start with yourself, then your family and loved ones, to your neighbors and colleagues, and then send LOVE to your entire town, then state, then country, and so on (and especially the people who “challenge” you!)  Simply spending 10 minutes in a LOVE meditation not only heals YOU, but also raises the GLOBAL FREQUENCY. 

14.  Gratitude Meditation.  If you do not have time to maintain a Gratitude Journal, you can use your time in traffic to acknowledge and honor all the people, places and things you appreciate—from bees to a tax return to the health and well-being of your family.  You can do this Gratitude Meditation in your head, while driving, or make it a little more energetic by doing it opera-style or in a foreign accent (*again, I would suggest rolling down the windows and SHARING!)

15.  Dance!  You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind (in traffic)…and if you are feeling REALLY inspired or goofy, jump out of the car for a quick dance! 

Brittany (aka, The Royal B) dancing during traffic

16.  Daydream!  Probably the MOST effective mind-body-soul exercise you could possibly do during traffic is DAYDREAM (aka, “manifesting”, “creating”, “visualizing”) Through your daydreams and “fantasies”, you are really reminding Source/yourself what you wish to manifest in your life (for further reference, read: “The Law of Attraction by Abraham Hicks”.)  And the best part, if you really FEEL your daydreams, well, they become reality (but don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself!)

Therefore, until we remove “The Traffic Story” completely from collective consciousness and roads, let’s use all this (irreplaceable) time meaningfully to love our selves, expand mentally, physically and spiritually, AND raise the global frequency! *And I welcome more BRILLIANT ideas—please SHARE!

LIVE your bliss,

Goofy Guru (aka, “Kelly N Patterson”)