Kelly’s Ayahuasca Ceremony #2

I highly recommend you peruse “Kelly’s Ayahuasca Ceremony #1” before attempting to read or understand this personal account of my second Ayahuasca ceremony.  However, do as you wish (which, incidentally, is one of the many insights of my second ceremony!)

This intimate documentation of my second Ayahuasca ceremony highlights the general “themes” revealed to me by “Grandmother”; clear statements-- such as “Stop picking on the Christians!” (What?! Me?!!); reliable resources for more in-depth information; and some of the entertaining aspects of my ceremony—such as, I exhausted 3 boxes of tissues, but not without thanking each tree that contributed to making each tissue (yeah, it was like THAT.)

I now realize my first ceremony was a TRAP!  Meaning, my first ceremony was comparably “light” and at times, “fun”; I spent most of the time LAUGHING at my ridiculous self, when not puking (aka, “purging”) in a bucket.  My first ceremony was relatively “gentle” on my EGO, body and spirit.  The morning following my first ceremony I felt super-conscious, energized, and We-Are-the-World warm-fuzzy about everything and everyone.  No one would ever suspect I had been awake, all night, on highly psychoactive chemicals; had not eaten in 3 days (fasting is required for ceremony); and operating on maybe 2 hours of sleep.  You would think I just woke up, drank 3 cups of espresso and did a Kundalini yoga class with the Dalai Lama. Which is exactly why my second ceremony experience came as such a shock. In all brevity, I got my ASS, my EGO and my SOUL kicked.

So here we go again, DEEPER down the rabbit hole…

Ceremony #2

Much to my surprise, this ceremony had a consistent biblical motif, which is surprising since I have not identified with Christianity since my early adolescent years. If you recall from Ayahuasca Ceremony #1, in high school, I publically renounced my Catholic inheritance from my parents, and yes, inconveniently while attending a private Catholic High School.  Quotes and scenes from the Bible fell like rain throughout the whole ceremony.  And at one point, I got to eavesdrop on Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before his famous execution.  Yeah, this IS going to get heavy!

1.     Ayahuasca helped me excavate my “true calling” or mission in Life.  I say “excavate” because it was always there (She would lead me through another vivid power-point presentation, complete with time-lines)—my “purpose” buried deep below infinite memories, song lyrics, my internal calculator, personal shadows, and “ROYGBIV”/wash-your-hands-after-using-the-toilet kind of stuff.  

Through a biographical montage, Grandmother showed me how many times I had directly “danced” with Death (in THIS lifetime alone.)  Some encounters were obvious (such as having 14 AK-47’s pointed AT me in the African jungle) to not-so obvious encounters with Death, such as cliff-diving in Hawaii or speeding down a highway at 85 mph.  The best of the montage was a SCUBA scene, where I am TRYING to remove a moray eel wrapped around my gear without touching it (you have NO IDEA how challenging this is!  It is not like you can grab a stick at 40 feet below in the ocean!)  Just watching my SCUBA buddy and I silently freaking out, in mime, was priceless entertainment—and just when I thought I got it, She panned down to show me a WHALE SHARK sitting not even 20 feet below us!  WOW!

Grandmother reminded me of witnessing a truck drive over a landmine in Mozambique; of course, all the disease-related deaths I witnessed in Africa; how I was almost impaled by a beach umbrella caught up in the wind; covering all the natural disasters I have lived through…ending her presentation with Max and I, in Costa Rica, literally SURFING on a 7.1 earthquake, while our neighbors are praying in their doorways.  And we are HOWLING with joy, “Dude!  We’re surfing an earthquake!”

The message was clear:  I have NO FEAR of Death, and half the time, my response to death was LAUGHTER.  WOW!  Which, of course, makes me the perfect candidate to SHOW people how NOT to fear death, aka “The Ultimate Transition.” Only when the fear of death is removed from collective consciousness, will there truly be PEACE on EARTH.  Think of all the current (tragically flawed) systems that would naturally fall away—from military organizations to dismantling the weapons, pharmaceutical and “security” industries, and then some!

She also showed me that it is exactly my lack of fear (of death) that enables me to live MY life so fully; and wouldn’t it be nice, if everyone could experience this kind of freedom?  Therefore, my purpose, starting with MY life as an example, is to help remove the fear of death from collective human consciousness, while at the same time, liberating and encouraging people to live fully as they wish. 

 **Two months later, to come full circle, I would be inspired to start my own radical transformation coaching business, dubbing myself the Goofy Guru, with the mission to SHOW people how to integrate JOY, PLAY and LAUGHTER, on a daily basis, into ALL aspects of their lives, from the mundane to the “tough stuff” like death, divorce, war, poverty, disease, etc.

2.     We create EVERYTHING in our lives, literally.  Since I am a writer, Ayahuasca revealed to me through literary metaphor, that each one of us is writing our own story, as we go.   Every thought is a sentence that becomes a person, place, thing, or experience in our lives (so choose your thoughts and words wisely!) And quite frankly, WE ARE BRILLIANT!  We choose the setting(s), the actors (even the “bad” guys), the drama and “tragedies”, the love scenes, the musical score, the adventures we wish to take, the lessons we WANT to learn—everything!  We are all self-writing BOOKS and collectively, we are a (human) library! 

I saw clearly how I (subconsciously) brought certain “characters” and experiences into my own story-- sometimes to teach/remind myself, sometimes to teach/remind others;  sometimes purely for scientific observation—“What happens when I (insert verb)?” ; sometimes for pure entertainment purposes (A LOT of THAT in my life!); and then sometimes to prove a point.  With this insight, I realized I have the ultimate power to edit, delete, re-write, and most importantly, write a NEW story for myself, and I can change it at any time! 

And the best part?!  There is NO EDITOR!  I AM both the writer and the editor (just how I like it!)  Therefore, I can write WHATEVER I want!  *Think of the dude who recently said, “Hey, I want to parachute from, you know…Space!” Guess what?  He DID!  And if we ALL wrote a new, more enlightened story for ourselves, we could collectively change our world as we know it!   We have the power to change our “world story” at ANY TIME!  (How about NOW?!) *This is in alignment with the whole idea that world peace starts with the inner-peace of each individual.

Grandmother showed me how we “forget” we are the writers/creators of our own stories and how this impacts the collective human story (we are seeing this now clearly reflected in our world.)  We get “lost” or “trapped” in our “stories”  (script-writer Charlie Kauffman expressed this very concept in his film, “Adaptation”—well-done, Charlie.)  When people and events appear to be repeating in your life (i.e., every boss/boyfriend/housemate/neighbor you get is an “asshole”, one after another), then you are “stuck in the loop” (like an MC Escher drawing or the film, “Groundhog’s Day”) and need to “wake up” in order to get out (like in the film, “The Matrix”.)  

Ayahuasca showed me a montage of films, books, plays, and visual arts-- from Shakespeare to Michael Jackson to Salvador Dali-- that were ALL trying to express this very sentiment:  “WE are the writers/creators of our own stories.  Wake up!” Bottom line: Really, WE ARE BRILLIANT!  Life IS the best-written story ever and no, there is not a “happy ending” because there is NO ENDING, we just keep getting better and becoming better writers/creators.

3.     Science and “Spirituality” are just two different languages saying the same thing.  Proof?  Just watch the documentary “The Black Whole”; or read anything by Carl Sagan, Nikola Tesla, Deepak Chopra, Fritjof Capra, or Albert Einstein—Grandmother confirmed these are reliable resources of information.  *And know, that technically, every single person you encounter, every animal that crosses your path, every experience of your life (no matter how mundane) has the potential to TEACH you something about you and our world; and ultimately, YOU are your most reliable resource for information.

4.     And lastly, the importance of creating personal boundaries.   Through a very long and torturous journey (ending with 3 empty boxes of tissues, swollen eyeballs and a raw nose), Ayahuasca allowed me to feel ALL the pain and suffering of humanity (throughout history, I might add—starting with Neanderthals through 2012.)  To say it was a brutal experience would be a gross understatement.  At some point, the suffering became so unbearable, I actively tried to make myself spontaneously combust, and when that did not work, I started begging (out loud) to be “put out of my misery.”  I even interrupted the whole ceremony to insist my fellow participants help me die.  (Note:  Those Bitches did NOT help!) 

Naturally, I became FURIOUS because no one was helping me die (I kept moaning over and over, “I’ve had ENOUGH!  I’m TIRED!  Just let me GO!”); I would rather die than feel this collective pain and suffering another picosecond.  Grandmother communicated the term “Empath” and showed me how my extraordinary empathy was not just limited to humans, but also to plants and animals and that I needed to learn how to create personal boundaries to protect myself—lest, I want to continue to FEEL ALL SUFFERING. 

Jesus! Really?!!!

I suppose She was trying to make me feel better by showing me that some of my personal heroes, like Jesus, Gandhi, MLK, Jr., Biko, etc. all felt just like me, at some point (thus the whole Jesus and Garden of Gethsemane scene.)  And being the smartass I am, I pointed out that at least THEY got their wish, they were all assassinated!  Yes, I was “arguing” with Grandmother!  And I do believe I was “scolded” because I was shown just what a petulant child I really am, constantly throwing tantrums; a gleeful trickster and ebullient troublemaker/instigator; the most clandestine of all outlaws; the joker, the fool and by no means a saint—but I hate to brag ;)

Unlike my first ceremony, the next day, I not only felt physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally exhausted, I could not even think of common words in English—I struggled to say, “cigarette”—instead, I said, “Can I have a…lighty thing?” --using sign language to show smoking.  When I got home, I slept for 6 hours, woke up to eat, and then slept another 8 hours.  I did not leave my house, or my pajamas, for 3 days. 

So, how did THIS ceremony change my life? 

As soon as I was able I researched “Empaths”; this definition gave me a lot of insight into myself and why I act the way I do, as well as useful resources and coping tools specifically for Empaths.  I immediately implemented boundaries in a very public way—starting with “no more drop-in’s” at my house (call or text first!)  

My friends and I use THIS sign language to signal someone is getting "stuck" in their "sad/mad/old story"

I now practice stopping people “caught” in their “sad/mad/old stories.”  Among my friends, we created playful sign language to communicate whenever one of us is getting “stuck” in his/her story.  The signal?  Picking the nose.  Brilliant!  It is effective because it is a gentle, playful way to let someone know he/she is “stuck” in a “sad/mad/old story” and about to slide down the negative spiral—if you really want to “help” someone, it is better to seek a SOLUTION than allow them to replay the sad/mad/old story again and again.   The longer you allow someone to tell their sad/mad/old story, the further you are taking them away from the solution.

I identified “emotional vampires” in my life and have distanced myself from them—unfortunately, some of them are not (currently) happy with new arrangement (“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”, echoes from ceremony.)   I am patiently waiting for them to realize they are “stuck” in their stories and able to write a new story for themselves.  *I cannot wait until they all “wake up” and then we all can co-author a new, better more JOYFUL story for all of us.

I now operate on the “15 Minute Plan” (*credit to Nancy MacPhail), where I am constantly checking-in with myself (How does this FEEL? Do I really want to do this?  Does this feel good?) before I make any decisions, say anything, or take action—by the way, through the 15 Minute Plan, I have already reduced my caffeine and nicotine intake—without even trying!  I am practicing constant awareness of my thoughts, words and actions, because they are the script of my future.  (But note: This IS a work in progress and I don’t always succeed.)

These are just a few daily tools inspired by my second ceremony.  There are many others that I am actively introducing to my friends, family and community, and eventually, the world through my new developing role as the Goofy Guru. 

Do YOU need the Goofy Guru? (Here take this quiz!)

Goofy Guru rollicking at LaRocca Vineyards, CA

Personally, I do not subscribe to Duality-Based Thinking, but for simplicity’s sake, please answer “yes” or “no.”

1.    Are you feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled in any aspect of your life?  (Such as…Work?  Family? Living conditions? Geographic Location? Relationships? Health/Body Image?  Social Life? Spirituality? Personal or Professional Development?)

Guess what?!  THAT is the whole quiz! 

Because if you answer, “Yes” to discontent, on any level, in ANY aspect of your life—well, I can help!  Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Kelly N Patterson and I am the Goofy Guru.

My MISSION is to show people HOW to integrate JOY, PLAY, and LAUGHTER into EVERY aspect of their lives, even the mundane stuff like doing laundry and sitting in traffic but especially through the "tough stuff" like Death, Disease, Poverty, War, Divorce, Work, etc. because I HAVE LIVED IT and I am STILL having a DAMN GOOD TIME!  

WARNING:  When you call on the Goofy Guru to enter your life—there is no turning back.  Everything is going to change and especially for you impatient folks, quite rapidly!  Because the ability to integrate JOY, PLAY and LAUGHTER in all aspects of your life is highly addictive, not to mention highly contagious to those around you, and never fails to TRANSFORM you and therefore--CHANGE your life as you know it.  *So enter with caution—you have been warned!  Your life will change—and quickly.

Some of the (documented) benefits of integrating JOY, PLAY, and LAUGHTER into all aspects of your life:

Health Benefits:

·      Boosts immunity (I am living PROOF!)

·      Lowers stress hormones

·      Decreases pain (releases endorphins)

·      Relaxes muscles

·      Prevents heart disease

·      Increased energy

·      Increased Orgasms (YAHOO!)

Mental Health Benefits:

·      Increased lust for life; waking up each morning excited about the new day

·      Increased sense of inner-peace

·      Eases anxiety and fears

·      Relieves stress

·      Improves mood

·      Enhances resilience

·      Improves self-esteem

Social Benefits:

Strengthens relationships

Attracts others (YAHOO!)

Enhances teamwork

Helps defuse conflict (Especially with Cops!)

Promotes group bonding

DISCLAIMER: There are some possible side effects including, but not limited to…

·      Letting go of past (perceived) pain and suffering (aka, your “sad/mad/old” story)

·      Leaving a job you hate

·      Leaving abusive/negative relationship(s)

·      Naturally dropping “bad” habits—from caffeine and negativity to unhealthy relationships

·      Moving to a new house/town/city/state/country

·      Travel

·      Possible weight loss

·      Leaving your comfort zone

·      De-construction of EGO

·      Random bouts of GLEE (in public!)

·      New circle of conscious, fun, generous friends and community

·      A totally NEW LIFE

But of course, don’t take MY word for it!  Do your own homework on all the possible benefits of JOY, PLAY and LAUGHTER. 

Goofy Guru coaching is not for pussies!  This is for people who want BIG change in their self, in their lives, and their world-- and they want it NOW!  *If you are seeking a slow, gentle tranquil transformational path-- start meditating, drink lots of water, eat organics, and take yoga classes—Goofy Guru training may not be your cup of yerba mate.

What does Goofy Guru coaching look like?

·      Starting with a free two-hour exploratory session-- by phone, Skype or in person—together, we will assess your current state of happiness, joy and fun in your life to determine if you need/want the Goofy Guru in your life.

·      Together, we will identify your passions, your preferred means of PLAY and sense of humor, and explore what you wish to experience in your life (aka, “The Bucket List”.)

·      If you welcome the Goofy Guru into your life, this is a committed partnership and together, we will determine the best way to proceed.  This could be in the form of weekly call-in’s, Goofy Guru “on-call”, or a Goofy Guru RADICAL CHANGE VISIT (this is when the Goofy Guru comes to YOU and shares a few days in YOUR life/YOUR world, showing you hands-on how to integrate JOY, PLAY and LAUGHTER into every aspect of your daily life.)

Goofy Guru on Rt 99, CA

·      Expect homework which could range from wearing bunny ears while at the gym or shopping at Trader Joe’s-- to initiating conversations with strangers to going to Burning Man; or perhaps, white-water rafting in Costa Rica, watsu at a clothing-optional zen resort, going to a swinger’s club, or Ayahuasca ceremony—it all depends on what areas of your life you seek to change and how much!  *And TRUST the Goofy Guru will hold you accountable for your homework!

Therefore, if you think you may need/want the Goofy Guru to enter your life, please do not hesitate to contact me, Kelly N Patterson (aka, “Goofy Guru”) at  kellyofthepattersons@yahoo.com, or stalk me on FaceBook (just click on the FaceBook Badge in the right-side menu!)  Just send me a message and then we will arrange a FREE 2-hour exploratory session!

To quote Hunter S Thompson, “Buy the ticket, take the ride” , and I, the Goofy Guru am your guide!

*And while you are here, make sure to join our GOOFY COMMUNITY at the Get Goofy Movement! 

Kelly’s Ayahuasca Ceremony #1

A dose of Ayahuasca--and even though some people like the taste, well--for me, YUCK!

This “story” is MY story. I am not going to get into the origins or historical significance of Ayahuasca; nor dissect the psychoactive and chemical components of this powerful “medicine”; nor go into the mundane details as to how it is prepared and whatnot technical stuff you can easily find on Wikipedia (thank you, whomever, created Wikipedia!)  Instead, I am going directly to the core of every Ayahuasca ceremony—what did I experience and learn, and then how has this impacted my life?  Therefore, I will be sharing blog-sized portions of what I, personally, have learned about myself, others, and well, EVERYTHING (and I MEAN everything), from participating in three Ayahuasca ceremonies over the past year. 

Besides, if Ayahuasca is truly “calling” you, you will already be familiar with what it is and what it can do for you—or, perhaps, these little personal accounts will inspire you to do your own research, and decide for yourself if you wish to try this powerful transformational tool.  WARNING:  Ayahuasca is NOT for pussies!  This is NOT a recreational experience.  And technically, it is NOT even legal to participate in Ayahuasca ceremonies in the United States (Surprise?), but it is legal and revered sacred in many other cultures and countries.  I refer to Ayahuasca as “Ninja Self-Awareness Training”—meaning, without a doubt, you will get your ass (and EGO and ALL your archaic ego-centric beliefs) kicked and like all martial arts training, you will eventually be grateful for ALL the bruises and lessons.

Of all the self-awareness and transformational tools I have played with (too many to list here!)—from meditation to yoga to Ayurvedic disciplines to reading “self-help” books as well as scientific, philosophical and psychological texts to participating in sweat lodges and dozens of other therapeutic and transformational modalities, Ayahuasca has been, by far, the most effective and time-efficient education tool I have EVER experienced. 

The best part is that even AFTER a ceremony, its “effects” continue and therefore, DAILY you continue to have both big and little moments of “enlightenment” (aka, “A-ha! Moments”) about yourself, others, and well, how everything in the Universe(s) work.  All of this “information” serves to give you a PROFOUND understanding of yourself (“Who am I?”, “What’s the meaning of life?”—the oldest questions on earth!); your relation to others (including plants, animals, things--yes, even your toilet!, quantum stuff as well as cosmic stuff, and then some!); and how to best use these new insights to create a better life for yourself, which ultimately creates a better world (think Doppler Effect!)

Before I share some of “MY” lessons, know that each Ayahuasca ceremony is radically unique for each individual (meaning: no one will have the “same” experiences, but perhaps, common themes.)  And as we call the spirit of Ayahuasca-- “Grandmother”, SHE has the ability to clearly communicate with each individual in very specific terms, language/vocabulary, metaphors, “stories”, symbols, concepts, visions, sounds, even smells, etc. that only YOU would understand. 

For example, since I am an avid “follower” of science and world cultures as well as a writer and voracious reader, a lot of information has been relayed to me through the arts and literary metaphors (lots of Shakespeare and MC Escher as well as contemporary media like the film “The Matrix”, sprinkled with ancient myths, geographic places and historical figures) as well as through scientific concepts I already understand.  In addition, “Grandmother”, knowing I highly appreciate and value a rich sense of humor, showed me a lot of very unflattering insights about ME in humorous ways.  * I spent most of my first ceremony LAUGHING at myself and saying (in my head-- I think!), “The Universe is mocking me! Ha! Ha! Ha!” 

FACT: The Universe has THE best sense of humor (I mean, that is where Monty Python, George Carlin, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Jonathan Swift, Shakespeare, and all got THEIR sense of humor, no?!)

For clarity’s sake, I am going to break this “story” down into each ceremony (so far, I have participated in three ceremonies) and I seek to give you a “taste” of what information has been relayed to me.  *It is impossible to share all I have learned/experienced in ceremony for two reasons: 

1.       This could easily become a serial novel (THAT much information has been obtained.)  Therefore, I am just going to share general themes; very clear statements; validations of previously documented information already available (i.e., Deepak Chopra is one of many reliable resources, and so is Oprah Winfrey—and eventually, you will get to a point that every person you meet, every song you hear, every animal that crosses your path, and every single experience—even traffic and doing laundry—is a reliable source of information about yourself and your world; and only then, will you realize that your most reliable source of information is actually YOURSELF); as well as some entertaining aspects of ceremony

2.      I am still “downloading” information every day and suspect this process will be going on for some time.

So here we go down the rabbit hole…

Ceremony 1:

When I look back, my first dose of Ayahuasca was mild.  I clearly recall thinking to myself, as I am watching a statue of Jesus hula-dance--“Well, this is a lot like a really good acid trip.”  While the other ceremony participants were violently purging in their buckets, weeping in silence or moaning in fetal position, I confess, I thought to myself, “Amateurs.”  So I gleefully answered the call for a second dose.  Well, that’s when things started to quickly get intense…meaning in-tense, past tense, future tense, and in fact, pre-tense on me!

1.      I now believe in all this Past Lives stuff.  I mean, previously, I was “on the fence” when people queried if I believed in past lives.  My auto-response was, “Well, as a quantum physicist-wanna-be, I can see how all this reincarnation stuff expressed by Hindu and Buddhist faiths could be poetic metaphor for quantum applications.” But now, my answer is “Hell Yes! And I even have proof!”  This is a “story” in itself:  Ayahausca showed me in a very detailed, logical way-- via vivid power-point presentation and time-lines-- why I was “obsessed” with Africa in THIS lifetime, starting at a very early age—apparently, I was Cleopatra in a past life.   

Grandmother showed me that I viewed the “foreign invasion” of HIV throughout the continent of Africa as equivalent to the Roman invasion of Egypt. Because Cleopatra (the last pharaoh of Egypt) failed to protect Egypt from the Romans, I sought to protect Africa from the spread of HIV in THIS lifetime.  It showed me Cleopatra killed herself because she felt responsible for both the fall of Egypt (the most powerful civilization of the era), as well as not being able to protect her own family.  Thus, in THIS lifetime, as an act of atonement, I CHOSE to take on HIV both literally and figuratively, in commiseration with my fellow Africans.  (Later, a close friend would attend ceremony with me, and it was revealed to she, that she was my daughter—one of Marc Anthony and Cleopatra’s twins—and her ceremony experience would complement my past life regression.  It turns out several other close individuals to me also played starring roles, with me, during that era—supporting the idea that souls manifest throughout time in “groups.”)  Whoa!

2.      Through the myth of Kali and Shiva (Hindu gods), Ayahuasca showed me my EPIC (to put it mildly) and historic “war” with men in particular.  Grandmother revealed I associated men with abandonment and neglect (classic Freudian “Daddy Issues”, no?) and I associated authority figures with abuse of power, and this long-held distrust has been THE fundamental dynamic in ALL aspects of my life, since a very early age. 

Kali and Shiva

This ancient lack of trust towards men and authority figures has been played out over and over again in THIS lifetime alone (just look at my resume!!!):  Starting with challenging my high school teachers and the very education they provided (my high school friends will validate this!); then rebelling against my parents; then leaving the Catholic Church declaring myself an “atheist”; then leaving Boston University and taking off to Africa (at age 19); through constant conflicts with a whole parade of various employers;  with giving Reuters “the finger”; taking on the pharmaceutical companies in regards to the FREE distribution of AIDS drugs and universal health care; smuggling Marcos from South Africa to the States (defiance to Fidel Castro); and then some. 

This dynamic is also visible in my past work:  International development work featuring “women’s empowerment” and gender issues to serving as chief editor of an HIV/AIDS web portal (specifically for women.)  And naturally, this belief has been painfully reflected in ALL my intimate relationships with men and male family figures to my circles of friends and community.  I habitually surround myself with women (which I naturally trust) and a few “safe”, reliable men who have earned my love and trust.

This profound insight has led me to radically reframe my perception of men and authority figures.  I now look for REASONS to trust men and realize I need to learn to work WITH men as opposed to “against” them (we need to include men, Ladies!) All of this insight leads me to suspect the restoration of equal, balanced masculine and feminine energies and “power” is one of the core solutions to the multi-dimensional chaos we are experiencing now throughout the world.

3.      “Love cannot exist without pain.  Accept it or suffer.”  In other words, we NEED contrast in order to identify “things” (for further reference, do your physics homework on Space and Dark Matter.) This statement leads to the question, “Is suffering really ‘bad’ IF it allows us to feel and know love?” And know this is just the beginning of the BIGGER lesson.

As you get deeper into this statement and its implications, you will KNOW that no person, no organization, no political party, no religion, no ideology, no country or peoples, no event, no thing is actually “good” or “bad.” This statement is the start of de-constructing the Duality Thinking (Us versus Them/Good versus Evil) that has been governing the human mind for centuries; it is archaic and no longer serves us.  Now, we are moving into Oneness Thinking.

4.      The EVERYTHING feeling—during ceremony, in between “lessons”, I would get “breaks.”  During these breaks, I was either entertained by humorous visions (usually of me making an ass of myself), some physics “play” or experiencing, what I refer to as the “Everything Feeling.”  This feeling is an overwhelming, soothing whole body-heart-soul feeling of every minute heart-break, pain and suffering throughout the history of humanity to ALL the joys, triumphs, breakthroughs, and miracles of human history (and everything in the middle!)  And well, even though this feeling makes every cell in your body cry and laugh with “bittersweet” tears, it is a surprisingly nurturing, reassuring, warm-fuzzy feeling that communicates EVERYTHING is just perfect as is—wars and all.  There IS a divine balance.

"Everything"

NOTE: I have actually felt this “Everything Feeling” before (without being on hallucinogens, by the way)-- while standing in front of monumental nature like Kilimanjaro; the Grand Canyon at sunrise; swimming in Waipio Valley waterfalls; in the desert on an especially clear and starry night; watching giraffe or elephants cross the savanna; kayaking with dolphins; any time I witness an act of heroism; or even sometimes, in the “ordinary” company of family and friends.   

5.      The final insight from my first ceremony contradicts pretty much ALL the research and work I have done over the past 2 decades, so I do not share this information lightly.  Basically, I was shown that ALL modern diseases and illnesses were the direct result of several life-times worth of collective emotional and psychological imbalance. 

For example, despite all the scientific data I have collected over the years pertaining to the origins, prevention and “cure” for HIV, I was shown how my HIV manifestation is actually a direct result of centuries of personal self-loathing, most notably guilt over the fall of Egypt.  This self-hatred was so deeply imbedded that it manifested itself, in THIS lifetime, on a cellular level in the form of HIV. 

It also showed me my recent encounter with cancer is a direct result of absorbing OTHER people’s pain and suffering in THIS life-time; thus highlighting the importance of protecting myself (via boundaries, distancing myself from negative people and events, speaking MY truth always, etc.) The “cure” is to release and let go of ALL pain and suffering, whether it be MY pain or the suffering of others, or else it will literally continue to manifest in my physical body. 

These are the highlights, as best as I can use words to describe, of my first Ayahuasca ceremony. It is clear to me now, that my first ceremony was actually quite “gentle” on me; my second ceremony would be brutal and I am STILL processing from my last ceremony. However, as I mentioned earlier, the insights, messages, and clarity do not end at the closing of ceremony.  The next question is HOW did this experience actually impact my daily life?

Well, within a few months following my first ceremony, I made RADICAL changes to my life, starting with…

·         Letting go of negative people in my life (even IF they were close friends, including my lover.)  I told them thank you for spending time with me and for all their valuable lessons and all the good times, but now, for my own well-being, I need to move on. (And note: Not all of them were terribly pleased with my decision.)

·         I quit my job, without securing another job—fully trusting Law of Attraction.

·         After 20 years of silence (hiding my deepest “truth”), I announced I was HIV+ on FaceBook, ceremoniously on my birthday.

·         I stopped taking the prescribed HIV drugs, KNOWING I could manage this disease myself—both from what was revealed to me in ceremony, as well as a long history of living well with HIV, without pharmaceutical medicines.

·         I delved into healing work on many levels and continue to attract fun, conscious, generous, loving people into my life every day.

Ayahuasca is just one method of transformation.  She does not call to every one, but I trust the people who will benefit most from this modality will somehow find this personal narrative…because THAT is exactly how the Universe/Source works. 

My first experience with Muslims (at age 19)

Of course, there were superficial encounters with Muslims prior to my epic move to rural Tanzania (at the age of 19)—but these “encounters” usually involved counters, literally—meaning the turbaned people behind every 7-Eleven counter throughout the Washington DC Metro area, who gracefully accepted my hard-earned babysitting money in exchange for Suicide Slushies*. 

*Suicide Slushie:  When you mix all the Slushie flavors into one purple mess and get MAJOR brain freeze. 

Further ignorance perpetuated by private Catholic High School and then later, a unofficially “Jewish” university (Boston University), I had no (unbiased) idea what these Islamic people were about, much less where exactly “in the Middle East” they came from-- and thank Allah, I never followed the US news (or I would have been totally brain-washed.)

Yes, while passing briefly through Dar es Salaam on my way to my rural out-post, I recall my first Adhan, the Muslim morning call to prayer, and thought it was the most exotic ethereal thing I had ever heard—what a poetic way to start the day!  Eventually, daily multiple calls to prayer would become the ONLY way I knew what time of day it was— “(Blah, blah, blah) Allah!”, meant it was “lunch time”, “end of work time”, “dinner time”, etc.  *Thank you, Allah, for being my watch.

Where I lived and worked, in the very, very rural areas of Tanzania, most people were pseudo-Christian seasoned with local tribal religions.  It was not until Marnie, my Canadian colleague, and I spontaneously decided to take a much-needed holiday to Zanzibar, that I had the opportunity to inter-act and associate with Muslims on a deeper level than commerce.

At the time, all Marnie and I knew about Zanzibar is that it was a tropical island off the coast of Dar es Salaam.  That was all the information I needed to buy a ticket. Can you imagine our surprise when boat officials asked us for our passports? 

“What?!  We thought Zanzibar was PART of Tanzania!”  The “official” answer: “Kind-of.”

Dar es Salaam, as viewed from the boat to Zanzibar

NOTE:  After much confusion and hilarity, in Swa-English (Swahili + English), they let us stay on board the boat, sans passports, and continue our blind journey to Zanzibar.  *More proof that Tanzanians are awesome! 

Ironically, the first people to greet us when we landed on Zanzibar happened to be (American) Peace Corps workers.  The Peace Corps workers were adamant that we “turn around immediately” and return to Dar es Salaam before the boat departs.  They passionately informed us that Zanzibar is 95% Muslim and “they” HATED “white foreigners”, especially “women.”  They warned us the Muslim women were going to “spit” on us wherever we went; “everyone” was going to try to “steal” from us; and so on terrifying tales.

I took one look at a blanched Marnie and said, “Don’t you find it ironic that the Peace Corps is not spreading peace? (insert hearty cynical laugh here) I am not going to let ANYONE, especially Americans, ruin MY tropical vacation!  I am staying!” And with that, Marnie and I sought out a place to stay for the night.

As is Kelly custom ANYWHERE in the world, first thing in the morning, I set out to find non-Nescafe coffee and smokes (aka, “breakfast.”)  Along the way, I collected “mystery” fruits and vegetables from local street-side vendors (*one of our favorite games in East Africa was “Name This Food Item!” The loser was whoever got diarrhea, and many times, it was a tie.)  For both practical reasons and to amuse the locals, I carried all my loot on my (blonde) head.  Needless to say, I attracted a lot of attention even without a basket on my head, but my philosophy:  If people are going to STARE and point at me, I might as well give them the whole “show.”

While sauntering down a random, relatively-serene street, on the border of Lost, I distinctly heard some giggles, claps, and then loud whistles from above, followed by Swahili, “Hey, look at this crazy muzungu!” I knew “they” were referring to me, so I abruptly stopped, put down my basket, looked up at more than one balcony full of shrouded, pointing women, and yelled back in Swahili with my hands on my hips, “Who are YOU calling CRAZY?!” 

I was ready for a shower of spit. Instead, I got shrieks of laughter and one woman shouted down, “You speak Swahili?!”  My answer (in Swahili): “Only if you have REAL coffee!” The women immediately descended upon me and dragged me into a house.  Turkish coffee, sweet breads, fruits, and such local delicacies magically appeared in front me, along with maybe 20 women (of all ages) and a few little (terrified) girls; someone turned down the Hindi pop music playing on the television.  I was immediately bombarded with 100 questions, all at the same time:

“Where are you from?”

With Bollywood-esque dramatics, “The greatest imperialist nation in the world!”

“America?” One woman whispered.

“What is your religion?”

“I am still studying--Them ALL.”(Travel Tip: This answer always works!)

“Where is your husband?”

“Good question.  I have not found him yet but he looks like Sting.” (Oh, the women liked THIS answer!)

“How many children do you have?”

“None, I am not married yet!” (Nodding heads in approval)

“Why did you come to Africa?” all the way to “What do you do during your menstrual cycle?” and “Do you know Michael Jackson?”

Then it was MY turn to ask 100 questions, starting with, “What is this beautiful art all over your hands?” I, of course, was seeing my first henna tattoo (this was the early 90’s and well before everyone at Burning Man discovered henna!) This particular henna design was explained to me as something akin to an engagement ring, announcing that this woman was about to be married. So we did a coffee “cheers” to she and her new engagement.  Several women started showing me their various henna tattoos, all with different meanings, some complete stories.   So when one of the women asked me if I would like a henna tattoo, well, of course I said, “Hell Yes!”

To respect the integrity of the henna tattoo’s historical and spiritual meanings, two (young) women painted one of my hands and one of my feet (as opposed to the traditional both hands and feet)—this was roughly a 4-hour process involving making the henna paste from dried henna leaves; mixing lemon juice, oil and whatnot; during which we ate, drank 40 liters of coffee (perhaps an exaggeration), exchanged stories and questions, and watched a Bollywood film on the television—*and they refused any compensation for this gift!

After the henna paste finally dried on my skin, we all walked together to the beach to “bless” the tattoo, as well as wash off the dried henna. A late afternoon call to prayer brought it to my attention I had been gone, or as Marnie would say later, “missing”, for almost 8 hours!

As I scrambled ungracefully through the streets seeking our hostel, I started noticing that everyone I passed along the crowded streets was suddenly smiling and waving at me, shouting cheerful “Jambo!’s” and other warm greetings, including invitations for tea.  Little did I know that this henna tattoo would work like a VIP pass into the Muslim world…all of a sudden, Marnie and I were invited into a mosque (well, the women’s side, at least) and treated like royalty wherever we travelled, both throughout Zanzibar and even back on the mainland, Tanzania.  My henna tattoo may have only lasted about 2 months, but my kinship with Muslims would last a life-time.