WARNING: IF you READ
this exercise in SPEAKING MY TRUTH and get UPSET/UNCOMFORTABLE in any way, then
KNOW this is a CLEAR INDICATOR that YOU RECOGNIZE a not-so-pretty TRUTH about yourSELF. And KNOW that it is OK. KNOW this is a BIG
STEP towards TRUE SELF-ACUALIZATION and ultimately, SELF-OPTIMIZATION.
Dear Chi-Co-Cow-Paradise-ish,
 |
| FAITH YOU! |
I NOW SEE CLEARLY how I have become a SLAVE to LOVE for the
“GOOD” PEOPLE of the Chi-Co-Cow-Paradise-ish area (pretty much all of Butte
County), thus co-creating what could best be described as, literally, DOMESTIC ABUSE. I SEE MY PATTERN…
PLEASE NOTE the “MY”:
As in I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY for MY ACTIONS (and NO ONE
ELSE’s!) and this means I DO NOT BLAME anyONE but mySELF…NOR DO I SLANDER
OTHERS, FALSELY ACCUSE OTHERS (*did you KNOW the PUNISHMENT for FALSE
ACCUSATIONS in VOODOO Justice is ZOMBIFICATION?!!!); NOR do I GOSSIP (*because
I have NO IDEA what is going on in MY LIFE, much less someone else’s!! Besides
I am only interested in SOULutions for ALL!)
And I NO LONGER PERSECUTE OTHERS…because I GET IT: Surely I have done
ALL these things—with a side of kimchi and a violin—at some point, in THIS
lifetime or many others!
In ALL directions of TIME: I Love you. Forgive me IF I have
hurt you. Thank you. Party on, Garth!
BOTTOM LINE: I am ENDING this DOMESTIC ABUSE STORY. PERIOD.
I SEE MY PATTERN:
· I LEAVE the area only when I have become
PHYSICALLY ILL (*remember “The Allergies” –with Nurses Jess and Anita? Or the
Pneumo-bronchu “Ascension” Flu that hit us hard at CREATION STATION throughout
most of JAN and some of FEB this year? Or the mysterious “Brown-Recluse-Staph
Infection”?! Or most recently, POISON
OAK on MY FACE?! ) Regardless , this is
PURELY MY SUPRESSED ANGER (FEELING HURT, MISUNDERSTOOD, ATTACKED, FALSELY
ACCUSED, NOT APPRECIATED, TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, “PUNCHING BAG”, “SCAPEGOAT”,
WITCH-HUNT TARGET of OTHER PEOPLE’s ANGER and UNHAPPINESS etc. etc., especially
by people who refer to THEMSELVES as MY FRIENDS!!! ) surfacing in the form
of ridiculous ILLNESSES. *THANK YOU, POISON OAK, for the POWERFUL, as
in EM-POWER-ING lesson!
·
I get SICK and then GO AWAY and have some ZANY
ADVENTURES for a WHILE…
·
And then like A LOT of people (self) “trapped”
in an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, I am LURED BACK to this AREA with APOLOGIES (*which
I do NOT NEED, thank you very much…you see, I UNDERSTAND WE are ALL on
DIFFERENT PATHS and I have COMPASSION for ALL PATHS); OR, I am LURED by the
INIFINITE POSSIBILITIES of CO-CREATING a really, really BIG CONSCIOUS COMMUNITY
that ACTUALLY LIVES a NEW EARTH (*as opposed to TALKING/PREACHING/LECTURING
about it and then CHARGING PEOPLE for IT!); OR, a FRIEND “in NEED” lures me
back….I am TOTALLY a SUCKER for a FRIEND (or anyONE for that matter!) going
through a sometimes SCARY TRANSITION into a RADICALLY NEW LIFE; OR, perhaps it
is just MY simple LONGING of a TRUE HOME (aka, A New Earth.) I suspect it is ALL of the ABOVE (as is
below, no?)
·
I ALWAYS RETURN to this particular area with
LOVE, HOPE, FAITH and TRUST that THIS TIME will be better! There is a brief HONEYMOON period and then
WHENEVER I VOICE or STATE MY BOUNDARIES; aka, SPEAK MY TRUTH (OR whenever I say my NO!
OR CALL BULLSHIT on someONE; or even when I JUST QUESTION PEOPLE)…well, I have
NOTICED that PEOPLE get VERY UPSET AT ME because I am NOT DOING WHAT THEY WANT
ME to DO!!!! And they call ME, SELF-ish?!!!!
Yikes! So basically, I am SEEING
that when I DO SPEAK MY TRUTH even in the context of my FRIENDS and FAMILY (*and
yes, sometimes, I have to YELL because THEY are NOT HEARING ME when I am being
GENTLE, GOOFY or NICE!), PEOPLE are STILL trying to PUNISH ME through various
very creative ways…for example: PUBLIC SHAMING on and off FACEBOOK—aka, modern BULLYING;
“If you were my FRIEND” GUILT (aka EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL); or THEY THINK because
THEY GAVE ME some of their SCRAPS (and they call it CHARITY!) that I OWE it to
THEM to DO WHATEVER they want me to DO—for THEM. You SEE how FUCKED UP this is?!!!
This is what Being a SLAVE to LOVE looks like. Therefore, by
writing this out, I am ending this DOMESTIC ABUSE STORY by taking FULL
RESPONSIBILITY for MY BELIEFS and ACTIONS.
You are FREE to post COMMENTS (because I BELIEVE in FREE SPEECH,
not just the stuff we would prefer to HEAR!), but I will TELL you NOW…I really
don’t give a FUCK what you THINK about my RADICAL TRUTH documented here (praise
or bullshit!)…this is a SELF-made EXERCISE in RADICAL HONESTY for ME. *Please READ WARNING ABOVE (again.)
And Thanks for all the fish!
Kelly N Patterson
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